This write up first appeared on La Confiance’s monthly lifestyle articles (Business with a Heart), but I thought I would just put it here too and elaborate a little further
My elder sisters are 7 and 10 years older than me and because of the huge age gap, I have always joked that it feels like I have three mothers instead of one. A blessing, really. But I have never really understood what it meant to be a mother, or how much a mother gives to her child until I see both of them become mothers themselves.
The arduous journey from pregnancy to giving birth – the late nights, physical discomfort, the careful diets, the worries, the crazy level of awareness and careful movements, even while watching concerts. Then comes the mad period after giving birth – furnishing of the baby room, the breastfeeding, the search for a nursery room in a huge shopping mall (yes, even simple things like that), the frequent “Is it 2 hours already? I need to feed/cook/ change the diapers etc etc”.
It is a constant process of giving – from giving to, to giving in to giving up of personal time, hobbies and sometimes even friends.
“So much is asked of parents, and so little is given.”
Indeed. The truth of this quote makes me feel a little guilty. Guilty for not spending enough time with my own, for not being a little more considerate, thoughtful and loving. For my occasional tantrums simply because I was feeling tired; for not appreciating the amount of hard work and fatigue that my parents must have gone through to bring me up. Despite the above, I have not suddenly become the most affectionate daughter. In fact, nothing really changed aside from having a new conviction – to be the parent to them that they were to me. And because of this conviction, I ask myself: “how can i provide a better life for them in their retirement and old age? how can i ensure that i will be able to?”
I am in no position to dish out advice on parenthood or filial piety. But as a financial consultant, I would like to share ‘tips’ on filial piety from a financial perspective. Tips that have left me with peace of mind.
1. Ensure your intentions are carried out by writing a will / nominating your life policies – this is especially so for those who are married and/or with kids. If you have not done the above, your assets and life policies proceeds would simply be distributed according to the intestate succession act. This means that your parents will not receive anything. If this is not what you want, then get down to nominating your policies soon. Also, by nominating your policy, you can decide how much (in terms of percentage), to give to each of your loved ones. By writing a will, you can further set out instructions on how you would like your estate to be disbursed – lump sum, quarterly, or only when certain conditions are met, that is, taking care of them as though you are still alive.
2. Ensure the longevity of your filial piety. Many of the people I know provide for their parents’ retirement, either out of need or simply as a gesture of filial piety. So on the same dreaded note that we were to pass on prematurely or become ill, this act of provision would likely be disrupted. Because of this thought, I advocate to set aside a small amount and purchase a term insurance on your own life – the payout from the insurance in the event of your early demise would provide them with a lot more security, especially crucial when you are no longer around to care for them.
3. Have options Similarly, it is important to ensure that your parents have the necessary hospitalisation insurance coverage in place – we may not be able to avoid illnesses, but we can make the pain a little more bearable and your parents alot more comfortable. Make a better choice now so that you will have better (and easier) options in the future. Quoting my client, “since money is not an issue, of course I want my dad to stay in the single ward. at least he can be more comfortable”. So review your parents’ hospitalisation plans, and do it as soon as you can. Have options.
4. Make smarter choices – By this, I mean to take care of your parents but also take care of yourself. One method that I believe in is to have a joint dividend income portfolio account with your parents. This way, you can ensure that your parents will always receive a regular stream of income even through unexpected times. On a personal level, it also means that you can provide for your parents while maintaining a healthy personal cashflow. And this, will allow you to provide an even better quality of care for your family.
So on this mother’s day, love and honor your mother the way you know how. Be it a kiss, hug, present or a dinner-out. At the same time, make the better choices and ensure the longevity of your filial piety.
Take care of them through the good and bad because after all that they have given, we are now all that they have.
SN: Many people procrastinate on the above because they are not aware of how to go about doing it. And it can be overwhelming – How do we nominate our policies? Who do we go to to draft out our wills? Which insurer is providing the cheapest term plan for my profile? Which hospitalization plan should my parents take up? How can I kickstart the dividend portfolio – how should the allocation be like and who can manage it for me? These questions can be daunting but it does not have to be – your independent financial advisory consultant (may not necessarily be me, though I would be happy to) should be able to answer it for you. So take a chill pill, because filial piety on this front is easy. Cheers. and to all mothers, Happy Mother’s Day.
CFP, representing Financial Alliance 